How Life Coaching Helped Me Find 4 Secrets to Redefining Identity

by Astrid Ferguson

As I sit down and hear my son smashing his toy trucks together, nostalgia takes over my body. If this was a year ago, I would have been in my office, working on another dreadful project. I probably would have completed the financial impact of a medical drug price increase calculation. While I thoroughly enjoy math and analysis; I am not a fan of redundancy. In my corporate career redundancy was unavoidable. So I knew I had to find a creative outlet. Creativity is not typically highlighted in corporate America and to be honest, it wasn’t wildly accepted in my upbringing either.

Structure is safe and measurable. Society expects us to input productivity and output success. Analyzing sales pitches and scaling profits is as creative as it gets leading many to hoard titles and accolades. We begin defining our identity, self-worth, and worthiness by our job titles and paychecks. While there is nothing wrong with this approach, what do we have left after a pandemic takes the titles, accolades, and paychecks away from us?

Yep, you guessed it! We begin to feel worthless, foggy and lost. For the first time, we have to ask ourselves questions we incessantly avoid: what do I really want to do? What can I do now? What am I good at doing? At first, we have a natural knack for doing the same thing we did in the past. We keep applying to jobs we know we are more than qualified to do. Until the rejection emails come faster than interviews, feeling like someone tossed a grenade at us, leaving us without a backup for our so-called identity. The identity that meant so much to us crumbles before our eyes.

Suddenly, anxiety kicks in: what do I do now? We were programmed to do X to output Y, but we never measured the slope between these two endpoints because we were too busy graphing our future. That overlooked equation is where the possibilities of redefining our identity reside.

Naturally, I started reading a lot after I felt like my identity was crushed (much like you reading this right now). You know how it is. If it all fails we grab a book, right? “Someone has been through this before” is our natural thought pattern. When we can’t find the answers in a book we start revisiting the past. We start asking ourselves the question I love the most: What did I enjoy doing just for fun?

Here is a hint: It’s something you don’t get paid to do. You probably do it so naturally it goes unnoticed every day. So the first secret is accepting the challenge to rediscover yourself.

1. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE

That’s right. There is nothing to lose because chances are you’ve already lost everything you thought mattered to you most. You are done pretending to be someone you’re not. That is the beauty and the caveat in all of this. It’s natural to grieve your past life. You probably had certain comforts, financial securities, and felt confident telling your parents what you did. Now, you get to make the choice. You can tell them how broke you are relying on unemployment or the fabulous business idea that could potentially get you on that wealthy Forbes list. Which one do you think sounds better? Hopefully, you picked the latter.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from one of the many books I read that helps reframe the way identity is perceived.

“Identity is a moving target, it never reaches an endpoint.”

-David Eagleman, American Neuroscientist + Author

2. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING TO GAIN

Think of this hardship from an optimist’s point-of-view. It’s natural to focus on what we lack instead of what we have to gain. “I don’t have enough experience” or “I don’t know where to start” are common thoughts we have when faced with new possibilities. It is human nature to think of every excuse for why we can’t do something. So now that you know that, congrats! You’re still human. You can stop beating yourself up for not having all the answers to your situation at this moment.

The good news is you will figure it out. This new journey and redefinition of your identity will only add to the fabulous person you already are. It will not take away from all the experience you have already gained. Trust me, I had to take a ton of coaching courses to switch my thinking on this myself. You have the power to pivot. You can control your path and do something new. You can redefine yourself at this moment and enjoy doing it. There is nothing you can’t do once you set your mind to it. And the other secret is: no one can stop you but yourself.

3. ALL SKILLS ARE TRANSFERABLE

There is always something you did in the past that you can repurpose in the future. I know it seems a bit hard to grasp at the moment. However, ask yourself, what did you do in past positions that can be transferred into new ventures? Yes, think about volunteerism work and even side passions you’ve developed. Consider freelancing or interning somewhere while you develop some new skills. I mean, really jot down on paper everything you’ve done. Look at all the possibilities and avenues you’re willing to explore.

If you’re a person whose values include integrity and honesty, you are already someone who actively practices a good work ethic. Chances are, you will transfer those same skills into your new creative venture. Practice grace as you learn to show up for yourself in a new way. Take this as an opportunity to feel proud while redefining yourself as many times as you need to. Continue redefining until you are satisfied with the reflection in the mirror.

4. THERE ARE NO WRONG OR RIGHT ANSWERS—JUST WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU

The great thing about identity is that it is only shaped by the things we firmly believe in. Those beliefs and core values can change as you grow as a person. There really isn’t a wrong or right way of redefining who you are. Life coaching is a great way of starting where you are and defining where you want to go. And I’m not just saying that because I am a life coach. I am saying that because I am a life coach who continues to be coached. Yes, even life coaches need coaching. We wouldn’t be great coaches if we didn’t receive coaching ourselves.

We tend to get in our own way by accepting social idiosyncrasies as our own. We often feel stuck because we have grown immune to change. We avoid it because it is uncomfortable. The truth—change is as constant as breathing. It can’t be avoided no matter how hard we try.

So go ahead my friend, start redefining. Start adding to your identity. Curious about coaching? Book a free session and see if it’s the magic call you need. The important thing is that you get out of your way and start showing up for yourself. Not for your parents, social status, accolades, or that person you wish you could date. Do it for YOU! Because you deserve to be authentically yourself in every room you enter. Deal?