Could our to-do list be the source of overwhelm?
by Astrid Ferguson
So I asked myself this question after doing all the reframing and adjusting, yet I still found myself overwhelmed. I used to suffer from this disease of having too many things on my list. My list became unfeasible and set me up for failure every day. Each day I didn’t check off everything on my list, I added those incomplete tasks to the following day, which led to constant overwhelm.
As a mom I would say things like, “I have to take care of everything,” or “I’d rather do it because no one knows how to do it like I do.” I would put all this unnecessary stress and unfeasible expectation on myself only to hit the wall of pure exhaustion. This same pattern can be applied to our professions especially when we have a hard time turning down clients or feel as overachievers we must work fifteen+ hours daily. So it is only natural that once we reframe and find that the root cause of our overwhelm is us, the to-do list changes.
I started by saying, “I am not adding more than three things to do a day.” Sure, they can be large things, but I feel much better about the number three than I do about fifteen. So why is it that after making this change I still felt overwhelmed? I decided to explore the emotion further. I noticed I shamed myself by asking myself this question daily, “When did I become this lazy?” I went over past to-do lists and would repeat, “I used to do way more than this.” So naturally, I started adding more bite-sized tasks. Issue fixed, right? Wrong! “I am not doing enough” became my new thought process. So I figured I was either bored, lazy, or lacked discipline. I started writing down the tasks I enjoyed and which tasks triggered my overwhelm. Throughout the course of my discovery I came across this Law of Attraction quote, and it put everything into perspective for me.
“The feeling of overwhelm always means the same thing: You are too heavy on the action and not heavy enough on the alignment of Energy.” —Abraham Hicks
That was it! I was treating myself like an employee. I was only as good as my productivity. No productivity, no reward. Once I did the following, instantly I saw a total shift in my energy.
Focusing On Action Increases Overwhelm
We live in a world where action speaks louder than words. Everything is action-driven. We want results and we want them now! There is this sense of urgency to get things done. We constantly feel like we are in a race with time. We must beat the clock and other people to the punch. We must figure out the next move, quickly or else! We finish one task, and before we allow ourselves the time to celebrate our accomplishment, we are moving on to the next thing. Everything becomes solely based on ACTION.
We begin to feel like mules to our own to-do list. We mimic those bosses we despise for making us feel like just another number or title on the organization chart. We do the same with our children. We ask them what have they done today? We expect good grades, good behavior, and celebrate them with trophies, parties, and pizzas for their achievements. What about the journey? Do you celebrate getting it wrong? Do you celebrate the time and effort it took you to get that major task done? Do you celebrate all the reframing it took to get comfortable being uncomfortable? If not, that means you are focusing too much on ACTION or results and losing sight of the opportunities in the moment.
Not Open to Collaborations
When we become too focused on the action, we miss all potential collaborations. We don’t have to do everything ourselves. As moms, we have a natural knack for forgetting to ask our partners (if you’re not a single mom), family, sitters, and friends for help. We feel guilty about sharing the load. In our businesses, we can collaborate with others especially, while we’re in the storm of imposter syndrome. Shadow work with those we admire is always an option. We can seek different avenues to make processes more efficient instead of adding more tasks to our to-do list.
And I know you are probably sitting there saying, “What if I can’t afford the help?” I hear you! Money plays a huge role in our ability to do things if we allow it. However, I challenge you to take a step back and analyze the situation. If I gave you $10 for every missed opportunity in barter services and/or support groups, how much money would you make? I am a firm believer in where there is a will, there is a way. Think of those pair of shoes you really liked and couldn’t afford at the time. You either waited for a sale, saved money, or found some magical coupon to get them. It is the same concept here. Don’t keep adding to the to-do list. Leave the to-do list alone and explore ways in which you open yourself to doing more collaborations. Look for win-win situations wherever you can.
Spending Too Much Time on Things You Don’t Enjoy
Oh, this one was like screaming “Hallelujah” in church when you caught the Holy Ghost. Even I had to do a little esperate la cosa se esta poniendo cliente (wait a minute this topic is getting hot). I would do an inventory check, and my to-do list reminded me of my dad. I called him the drill sergeant. “You must,” “you must,” “you must” is how he started every phrase. There are things in the business that many of us don’t enjoy. There are tasks in our daily lives we don’t enjoy. However, we figure out ways to make them enjoyable so we can continue being passionate about why we do them. Sometimes, we value those who we do it for. Other times, we do those tasks because it is something we can’t delegate, yet. You only know why you do them. If you can’t find a strong why, the question becomes, “Why are you doing it?”
The same mindset applies to our to-do list. If we are not passionate about our to-do list, honey! Overwhelm shows up like an ex in your voicemail. It has nothing new to say but wants to keep you from moving on. Oh wheee! We have a few of those people in our lifetimes, don’t we? We can write books about them but instead, I will just say a prayer and thank the universe. Seeing the light in those situations saved my life. So you must see the light in your to-do list my friend, or you will be stuck with overwhelm as a partner forever!
I’m just saying, peace, is a much better companion. So what is keeping you stuck in overwhelm? What stuck out to you after reading this post? Share in the comments and tell a friend to tell a friend.
