Top 3 Ways to Break Through Imposter Syndrome
by Astrid Ferguson
I think it hit me when I heard Seth Godin on Don’t Keep Your Day Job podcast say, “You are an imposter. You’re doing something you never did before.” That was my ‘aha’ moment; I finally understood how to break through my imposter syndrome. For so long I would shy away from pitching myself to places. I felt weird telling others I was a coach. I was like, “how do I tell my friends who are very successful in their careers that I decided to become a coach?” Like wtf? I was going against my own coaching advice, which is to embrace your emotions in their current state, embrace your transitions and let go of controlling the outcome. So many of us spend so much time trying to change who we are, immediately. It causes our anxiety levels to shoot up out of control and allow FEAR to take over.
Listen, imposter syndrome is very REAL. We all feel it at some point in our lives and at varying degrees. Sometimes we don’t realize imposter syndrome kept us from asking for the promotion, an increase in pay, payment for our services, asking a person out on a date, or from pitching our ideas to potential angel investors. I mean, imagine putting your idea on paper and asking someone like Bill Gates to sponsor you. Can you imagine how tongue-tied you’d get before getting a few words out? Or the amount of sweat dripping under your best suit if you were called into a room with Beyoncé to change her marketing plan? Yikes!
As entrepreneurs, we work on projects and business ideas with a 50%+ chance of it failing. Imagine how madly in love with your idea you have to be to continue pushing it forward with those odds. Believe it or not, some of the most successful people still deal with imposter syndrome. Steve Jobs even admitted that he suffered from imposter syndrome when he first introduced Apple to the world. Imagine if Steve Jobs allowed his imposter syndrome to win and Apple was never created. Oh damn! I don’t know about you, but my iPhone is my life. I can lose anything but my iPhone.
The truth is: imposter syndrome is difficult to break through. The good news is it’s manageable. Here are my top 3 ways of managing this pesky little imposter syndrome SOB (yes, not the kind word).
Embrace your emotions in their current state and embrace your transitions by letting go of controlling the outcome.-Astrid Ferguson
Collaborations
Collaborations reduce the fear of failure. Yes, my friend, you heard that right. Many of us feel imposter syndrome so deeply because we are afraid we will fail if we don’t have all the right answers. We will allow FEAR to debilitate and keep us from going after our dreams. The bad news is there is some truth to this sentiment. Yes, there is a great possibility that you will fail. However, the possibility of failure never kept you from trying things as a kid. It never kept you from getting behind the wheel of a car even if you knew a chance of an accident was pretty high. You may not remember the first time you learned how to walk, but you’ve seen babies do it time and time again. They fall one hundred times and keep that smile on their faces every time they attempt walking. So collaborations are more like the parents cheering that baby, soon-to-be-toddler to keep taking a step forward. They keep you moving the needle and help you build relationships along the way, making the journey of discovery seem a little sweeter and less lonely.
Practice Speaking Up Daily
I know this one seems simple, but imposter syndrome also puts its claws in our backs because many of us struggle speaking up, asking, or disagreeing with others in public. We tend to overthink the outcome and what others will think of us. Yes, that people-pleasing we learn from our upbringing tends to work against us with imposter syndrome. Our minds have a way of playing tricks and creating scenarios that are simply not true. We say things like, “I’m an introvert so I don’t do well in social gatherings. Who will listen to me? I don’t know what to say.” Or we think our reputation will be ruined if we publicly disagree with someone who has strong opinions. The truth is introverts can do well in social gatherings if they prepare ahead of time. Maybe have some ice-breaker questions handy. Practice speaking up with family and friends or talking to strangers. Introduce yourself without being asked, or dare yourself to talk in front of a random crowd. Did you feel anxiety building up as you read that? The embarrassment you may be feeling after just imagining yourself standing on some table telling strangers about who you are? Do it! Practice every day in small ways so you can slowly build yourself up for your grand debut. Say no to people you wouldn’t usually say no to. Break through some serious fear of failure patterns because the biggest lie you’ve told yourself is that you have to be right about everything.
Reframe YOUR Self-Talk
As women and people of color we tend to use the phrase, “I don’t want to be the only one in the room” to keep us from being the only minority in the room. That is both imposter syndrome and a traumatic response in my opinion. I challenge you to think of it as an opportunity to teach individuals about who you are and where you come from. You have been given an opportunity to educate people on a subject they are not knowledgable in. You won’t be able to speak for all minorities, but no one asked you to. You are speaking for yourself, your community, and making way for others to walk into that room with you. We need more people of color to reframe this thinking so they can build bridges for others to walk into rooms we have told ourselves we don’t belong in, for too long. We need our women to start asking for what they deserve without feeling guilty or fearful of the outcome. We all aspire to share our thoughts, ideas, emotions, products and services in every room we can. We want to feel seen and accepted. Therefore, reframing those negative self-talks will help us break through the fears of imposter syndrome and step into our power.
Own that you are an imposter because you have reached a new level of you. Use those nervous feelings as signals that you’re in the right place at the right time. You belong there and you are simply trying something you haven’t tried before. What’s there to lose in trying?
Now tell me, what has imposter syndrome kept you from doing in your life? Tell me in the comments and ask a friend to share their stories. Sharing stories is how we break barriers of feeling like we are too different to understand one another.
