Top 5 Reasons Why This Thanksgiving Feels Less Thankful

by Astrid Ferguson

It’s no secret this year has been one unforgettable year. While we should be thankful for having loved ones and waking up feeling healthy, practicing gratitude this year has a little twinge and bitter aftertaste. Let me set the scene for us to help us reach in our emotion bag. Are you finding yourself feeling unmotivated A LOT lately? Is it getting harder to get out of bed each day? Or maybe you’re like me—feeling like each day is a greater headache than the previous one but nothing changed to turn it into a massive migraine? When I say nothing changed I mean you literally feel like you’ve been idle for the past eight months. Almost like you’ve been driving your car on neutral gear and getting anywhere feels counterintuitive. One thing that is consistent—this pandemic is alive and well and we are not getting any closer to releasing this cabin fever. Here, let me give you a virtual hug if you’re saying, “Yes, Astrid that’s ephing it! I felt that one in my chest!”

Sure, you could drink a pain reliever to alleviate the headache. I could also give you the whole it won’t be like this forever spiel but, it wouldn’t make the bitter aftertaste of today being exactly like many yesterdays any less palpable. Now, add the holidays, the news of everything once again shutting down, a world-wind election, and everything else that is happening around our lives. You end up feeling like a massive painful tumor the size of Mount Everest has grown on your head. So what do we do? We try to practice slow remedies of kindness: being still, enjoying this moment, being grateful for this moment and guess what? All it’s doing is making Thanksgiving feel a little less thankful and a bit more dreadful. You may find yourself feeling unmotivated to do anything anymore and quite frankly wondering if this is a sign of depression. Sure, it could be depression, it could be the aftermath of grief, or it could be one of these top five reasons why thanksgiving will feel less of a holiday and more like another day in 2020 you may not enjoy.

1. Uncertainty Around Family Gatherings

With everything going on it’s common to feel a little anxious about having family over. Maybe you feel unsure how greetings without it feeling icky will go. Wondering—should masks be required? Should the gathering be hosted outside in the cold? Should temperatures be taken? Checking closets to see if there’s enough hand sanitizer for the twentieth time! Or contemplating if it should be via Zoom to save everyone the possibility of catching COVID? Because it’s not like you’re not Zoomed out, right? So many questions/scenarios brewing in your mind you give yourself another headache.

Fear starts to sweep through the kitchen floor and seeps its way into the pots and pans. Only to be reminded every time you run to the supermarket the ingredients you need for scrumptious family traditional recipes are a bit scarce. Everyone is going into panic mode and hoarding products again. Shocking! You try to come up with fun family activities but even your creativity has escaped you. It begins to dawn on you that the topic of conversation will be COVID and/or the politics involving the election. Making the pandemic once again, the center piece of your thanksgiving dinner. So you begin entertaining the idea of canceling Thanksgiving and sitting again behind the same four walls you’ve been isolated to for the past eight months or so. Oh and that’s when guilt taps in to ensure you feel like a bigger mess and further away from realigning. Don’t you just love this low energy vibration?

2. Unmotivated to Engage with Others

This one is tricky. This could be building from feelings of resentment. Maybe you were going through a really hard time this year (job loss, sickness, lost loved ones, or change in lifestyle) and felt like your family or loved ones didn’t show the support you needed. You know sometimes, we expect others to know what’s wrong with us without us sharing what’s happening. Then we create the story that they don’t care about us. It’s the classical, “They don’t care about me story” we love telling ourselves. We think they should be asking us how we feel. While entertaining our hopelessness we forget to ask others how they are doing/feeling. Finding ourselves in situations where two people (you and the other person) both feeling unsupported and without either party murmuring a single word to each other. Makes family gatherings feel less harmonious and more of a chore, doesn’t it? There is also the other big possibility of losing family members due to COVID and Thanksgiving just feels like one big void.

Or maybe, maybe… you’re so unmotivated by so much emotional stress that you just don’t have the strength to entertain. Which leads me to the next reason.

3. Emotional Burnout

Feeling burnout from the emotional cyclone 2020 has been is a very common reason to cancel Thanksgiving for many of us. I mean, were you able to take a vacation this year? How much time are you spending on things you enjoy? Have you done anything for yourself lately? Have you taken a break from all your daily requirements happening in the same room? It can feel like breaks are impossible when you don’t have a change in scenery. Working, eating, exercising, and sleeping all in the same place begins to feel more like a death sentence after a while. When going to the grocery store becomes your only means for breaking up routine, your life has reached a new low in your mind. At least that’s how it feels to me. I mean think about it: if grocery shopping seems to be the only thing you look forward to these days, your baseline for terrible has now been bumped up to normal. You are probably experiencing emotional burnout my friend.

I know this may sound counterintuitive but you need a break. A break from the break we are call this phase. Many will say working form home was a good break from going in person to the office. You know, save time from the painful traffic? And they are right to a certain extent. At first, it feels like yeah baby! A break from the chaotic schedule and never ending influx of meetings. After a few months however, you start to miss things like the quiet, uninterrupted morning drive. You know breakfast without the children eating yours first? Ok maybe not, if you don’t have children. Then it feels like you’re working even longer hours because the computer is in your room. The line between working hours and personal hours seem to get thinner. You forget what pants are. You wonder why you even shower and it goes downhill from there.

4. SO Over Home Cooked Meals

Let’s keep it a thousand percent honest here. You have been slaving in the kitchen since the pandemic hit. I mean you have been trying all kinds of dishes to keep yourself sane. I even started gardening this year. I grew basil, killed cilantro (will try again in the spring), tomatoes, bell peppers and Sage. Prior to the pandemic I couldn’t germinate a darn thing. I was never interested in baking my own bread and I made so much bread and even biscuits this year. I had to look at myself in the mirror and say, “Are you that bored?” So now you are all dished out. You just want to go out and eat for a change. For once you would like to be pampered without worrying about a mask. You want to drink, eat, laugh and have someone else do the dishes. You want an excuse to get out of your pajamas. You have been serving and pampering others for the past eight months (if you have children or family members to care for). You are tired of it and want to put your feet up and indulge in some affluence this one freaking time! Sounds like a tamper tantrum huh? Maybe to some but who’s judging? You have a right to feel like this because we are all over it! Grab a tissue, lets be a basket case together!

We want to ring our bells and a magic delicious meal appears, along with the sun, the beach and everything that feels like a vacation. I know because I want the same thing. We both miss traveling my friend. It’s okay if you choose not to cook. Don’t feel guilty about being tired. Because quite honestly, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of this pandemic. So I completely understand where you are coming from with this reason.

5. Unhappy About Having More People Cross Your Boundaries

Oh man! That B word again. You know with family gatherings comes boundary crossings. Your aunt may make a comment about how many pounds you gained since you been home. Your best friend may ask to borrow money even if he/she knows you’re unemployed. Your mom could comment on how terrible your hair looks, how you need to educate your children better, or ask what’s keeping you from landing a better job. Oh it’s stressful just thinking about it. Adding it to the boundaries the world around us continues to cross. Privileges like not being able to visit your favorite places when you want gets taken away. Just a little while ago you could only check on sick loved ones in the hospital via FaceTime. Homeschooling and working in the same room, when homeschooling may of never been of interest to you. Constantly trying to squeeze coins together to form dollars if you are facing financial hardships. And you don’t feel like explaining again, you can’t afford it because… fill in the blank. You may also still be feeling a certain way towards a family member who voted for the other political party which directly impacts your financial and/or overall wellbeing.

Look it all makes sense. There is no judgement here. Most of us are feeling unmotivated in some way. I think many of us are feeling the residual effects of 2020 very hard this holiday season. You are not alone in that sentiment my friend. However, if you could practice gratitude during these times of hardships and uncertainty, what would that look like for you? Whatever your answer is to this question, that is what you should be doing this thanksgiving. You are a gift and the world around us is in desperate need of some compassion. We need connection more than ever. So if it means taking a break to realign yourself, do it! We need you alive and well. Give yourself permission to breathe and do what’s best for you and your loved ones this holiday season.

Let me know below what resonated with you the most. Share with a friend who may be trying to make sense of his or her thoughts and emotions during this holiday season.